The Letter Home by Rachael English

Author:Rachael English
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: FIC000000; FIC04000, FA
Publisher: Hachette Headline Review
Published: 2022-02-03T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter 23

July 2019, Boston

Kaitlin

The breakthrough came on a warm Wednesday night when Clay was at work and Kaitlin had the opportunity to spend three uninterrupted hours in front of her laptop. She’d already tracked back through her paternal grandparents, Joseph and Shirley Wilson, and through Shirley’s parents, Con and Meg McDonagh. Con’s parents – her great-great-grandparents – had been Ray and Bertha McDonagh. Ray’s parents had been Patrick and Finola McDonagh. All had been born in Massachusetts.

Once or twice, she’d considered putting an end to the search. There were, she told herself, more appropriate uses for her energy. Her relationship with Clay topped the list, but she also needed to do better at work. In a company that demanded all her brain power and commitment, she was increasingly distracted, lacklustre, uncommunicative. Because of the miscarriage, she’d been given some leeway, but continuing to take advantage of it would be a mistake.

Every morning, as she joined the dark-suited hordes on her way to Frobisher Hunter, she reminded herself of her good fortune. There she was, amid the steel and concrete towers, where the successful people worked. Where the money was. This is what you wanted, a voice would say. This is what everyone aspires to. Unfortunately, it was usually quashed by another, more insistent, voice. Who are you kidding? it replied. This means nothing to you, and it never did.

Some days, she imagined reaching the office and walking on by. She pictured herself boarding a bus or a boat. After a few days, she would contact Clay and her parents and tell them not to worry. Where precisely she’d go she wasn’t sure. California, perhaps. Or Oregon. Or another country entirely. The destination didn’t matter so long as it gave her the chance to begin again.

She’d spoken to Clay about her discontent. He’d listened sympathetically before pointing out that most of their contemporaries felt the same. ‘It’s the level we’re at,’ he’d said, as he stroked her hand. ‘All the pressure, none of the power. Everyone says it gets better. We’ve got to knuckle down for a while. If we put in the hours, we’ll get the rewards. That’s how it works. You know that.’

Later, he’d returned to the subject. It was a mark of adulthood, he’d said: persisting even when the going was tough, especially when it was tough. It was also one of the things he admired about her, her ability to persevere. He would like to think it was a quality he shared.

That was Clay, so invested in his own career that he couldn’t countenance Kaitlin questioning hers. She decided not to raise the subject again.

She’d said nothing further to her parents about her search. Nor had they asked. Her mother was organising a going-away party for Brian. Between that and planning their vacation in Maine, her scope for interfering was limited. There was no indication that either parent had spoken to Brian about what she was doing. Although Kaitlin chatted to her brother from time to time, their conversations remained excessively polite.

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